Last Kiss Goodbye
by Shenya
Summary: Yami loves Yugi, but there is also something that prevents him from being with his love... What will he do about the way things are? YY angst all the way... A sad ending...


DISCLAIMER: Yep. I still don't own Yugioh. Put those lawyers away...  
  
Happy Valentine's Day to all! This is a part of my gift to all the readers... Enjoy! As inspiration I used 'Ashita Moshi Kimi ga Kowaretemo' by WANDS, one of the three songs that have ever made me cry... If you don't know, it was used in series 1 of Yugioh, as the ending.  
  
I wish well on all the happy couples out there... And remember, even if you spend the day alone, well... There is always the next one, and such thing as hope exists. The legend says that Pandora once opened a box that released hope to the world, along with such things as suffering. The world wouldn't be the same without them, and even though it would be better, then what would there be left to learn?  
  
I'm getting too serious here... Never mind. Just read. ^^  
  
Last Kiss Goodbye  
  
What was there left to do? I had only suffering left, I couldn't be with the one I love... It was eating me alive, not being able to be with him.  
  
How long had I dreamed of him? I couldn't remember. Perhaps from the very first day, when he solved the Puzzle. And ever since then, I had also known that I could never have him. Why? It couldn't happen without either of us being destroyed.  
  
His pure light, shining forever, friendly, loved and loving, innocent, forgiving... And then there was me, the darkness of him, his darker half, born of the darkness, doomed forever to darkness, learning from his light but never quite adapting. How could those two merge? There was no way.  
  
I was once again brooding in my Soul room, walking past the endless doors, climbing the endless staircases, pacing the corridors lit by smoking torches, trying to calm down enough to go back to my hikari. My light...  
  
He was with his friends again, laughing, having fun, and I was here in the dim light, alone. Thinking, crying how futile it all was. Our link was blocked again, as it had been ever more often recently. Because I couldn't keep my emotions under control. They just were simply too intense to hide for much longer, and I dreaded the day my innocent other would find about.  
  
It wasn't so much fear of rejection, although sometimes I would wake in darkness, sweating, after having a nightmare where he cruelly laughed at me when he found out about my feelings for him, but fear of what that kind of a relationship would do to him... I knew he was too kind and loving to do something as cruel as my nightmare, but I dreaded that he would be too kind to say he didn't really care for me that way, and still pretend it for my sake.  
  
Would he be consumed by the darkness hiding inside me? Would he turn dark himself, consumed by my past, the darkness that lurked in my soul, would he shatter of the force of it? I didn't know exactly what would happen, I just knew it was something terrible.  
  
But no time to dwell on my thoughts any longer, I could feel Yugi trying our bond, trying to contact me again. I was helpless against that call, I had to go. It hurt me to see him sad, which he would be if I shut him out too long. He might even blame me of something bad, and I couldn't answer him...  
  
I unblocked our connection, and allowed him inside my Soul room. The light his soul radiated nearly blinded me when I first saw it. I had been through this so many times, the light flooding the deepest recesses of my mind when he entered. I felt exposed, and wondered how he could not see what I felt. Surely he must know every single secret of mine by now?  
  
"Are you all right, Yami? You have been so distant these couple last days... I'm worried..."  
  
I sighed and gave him a friendly hug. For a moment it threatened to change into something more than that, but then I managed to constrain myself.  
  
"No need to worry, I'm fine, little one"  
  
I forced myself away from my brooding, and smiled at the other me. He would never know what I went through, if I had any say in the matter.  
  
"What have you been doing?"  
  
I was rewarded with a radiant smile for my question.  
  
"Jou needed some advice with his new deck... And then we dueled. Guess who won!"  
  
"Oh, I don't know... You, aibou?"  
  
He nodded enthusiastically. Not that he was glad his friend lost to him, but that he was somewhat proud of his abilities as a duelist. He really loved that game...  
  
"You're sad again"  
  
Yugi frowned at me. He had been catching up with my moods increasingly better in the last weeks. I would have been glad of our bond deepening, but I couldn't let him in, not when I had so many secrets from him.  
  
"I'll be fine in a moment. Should we go? I wouldn't want others to worry"  
  
"Let's go then"  
  
He didn't look convinced, but it would have to do. There was nothing I could do about it, short of telling the truth, for I wouldn't lie to him. I absolutely refused to.  
  
I materialized next to Yugi in the real world. Looking around, I noticed all our friends there.  
  
"Hi, Yami! How's it doing?"  
  
"I'm fine, Anzu."  
  
Yugi glanced at me. He still didn't believe. It hurt me to see how suspicious he had become, and it was all my fault...  
  
"What have you been up to these last couple days?"  
  
"Nothing much. Just normal hanging around, you know. It's not like we would have anything else to do, there's no big tournaments now."  
  
Jou sighed deeply. There was one other duelist, who would do nothing else if he just could wrap his life around Duel Monsters. Not that he wouldn't be very close to it already.  
  
I loved the games, they were something familiar, but there could be other things in life than dueling. Like love. Did any of them ever think of love? I was sure they did, at some point.  
  
"Come on, Jou! Cheer up, you can always challenge the duelists that always seem to be around here!"  
  
Like that the conversation continued. I gladly stayed a bit away from it, right now I didn't feel up to something like it. There were times in life one couldn't think of dueling...  
  
I looked at Yugi. He sat next to me, following everyone's words intently. Occasionally he laughed, and I felt like my heart would stop beating for the sheer beauty of it. How come a spirit had a heart? I didn't know, but there it was, aching inside me for my hikari's love. I needed him to love me, I needed it so bad I felt like I was withering away when he behaved like I wasn't even in the room.  
  
Then he suddenly leaned on me, flashing one of those wide smiles to me. And I felt like an angel had fallen down from heaven and graced me with his presence. I hesitated for a small moment, and wrapped an arm around him. He didn't seem to mind, just snuggled closer.  
  
This was a constant balancing on the edge of a knife, trying to decide what I could do. It wasn't always clear, I had to determine whether something could be understood the wrong way. For now I hadn't done any mistakes - at least I thought I hadn't - but what could happen bothered me.  
  
If if if, always the 'if's blocking my way, making me overcautious, filling my mind so I couldn't think straight.  
  
I suddenly noticed that Yugi was staring back at me. I looked around and to my amazement saw everyone else staring at me, too. Had I done something? What was this?  
  
"Yami? Did you hear us?"  
  
Hear? No, I hadn't. I had been completely absorbed in my thoughts. This must've shown on my face, because Anzu sighed.  
  
"I was just asking if you wanted to come out to eat with us..."  
  
"Oh. Sure"  
  
I really didn't need it, but I could enjoy the company. Especially Yugi's company.  
  
---Time lapse---  
  
I gazed out of the window. It was getting dark. Yugi should come back to his room soon, he had went to check on his grandpa. The day hadn't been one of the best, but neither had it been a complete failure. It had been almost normal. Normal, you ask? How can an ancient Egyptian spirit have a normal day?  
  
I sighed. This would get me nowhere. I wished I could tell Yugi how I felt. But no, it was impossible.  
  
And here arrived the said boy. I saw his reflection in the window. The ethereal look it gave to him just served to make him more fascinating.  
  
"Are you tired, aibou?"  
  
"Somewhat... It's been a long day"  
  
He yawned cutely. I had to close my eyes so I wouldn't do something I would sorely regret later.  
  
"I'm going to sleep"  
  
The announcement startled me. It was way past the time to retreat to my Soul room.  
  
"Good night, Yugi"  
  
"Do you have to go yet?"  
  
I froze. What exactly did he mean by that? He wanted me to stay while he went to sleep?  
  
"I don't know why, but I've felt so... alone the whole day. I just don't want you to go yet. Can you stay with me at least until I'm asleep?"  
  
I looked at the innocent little other side of me. How could I resist him? Such a small plea, delivered in that sweet voice, that sounded so small, alone, abandoned. This could prove to be a disaster. What if I wasn't able to hold myself? What if I failed to behave properly?  
  
...And here came the 'if's again. They were really starting to get to me.  
  
"Of course I will aibou. Anything for you"  
  
My voice was suspiciously soft when I said that. I couldn't go on like this for much longer... The little one smiled brightly. There were no hidden ideas in his mind, only pure innocence.  
  
"Thanks, Yami. You don't know how much this means to me!"  
  
...Or was there? No, now my mind was playing tricks with me. I was so desperate for his love that I already started imagining things. That worried me.  
  
As my hikari started changing into his pajamas, I desperately looked around to discover something else to do than drool over his semi-naked body... I noticed our deck of cards on the table, and nearly sighing in relief started looking through it.  
  
Nope, no changes made. Not that I had expected it, aibou never changed our deck without asking me first. In dueling we were inseparable... I stopped to look at the Dark Magician. Our favorite card... What did it symbolize? My darkness? Or perhaps it didn't mean anything, short of telling what kind of cards we like to use...  
  
I saw from the corner of my eye how Yugi climbed to the bed, and sighed. It was safe to watch again, hikari was safely under his blankets. How had I become so desperate?  
  
"Yami?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Why are you standing all the way there? Come here, where I can see you properly."  
  
I closed my eyes for a brief moment, and drawn by his silent words sat on the edge of the bed. He couldn't ask me for something more, could he? He could, but I fervently wished that he wouldn't. I daren't imagine what would happen if I actually laid down next to him...  
  
"How are you feeling? Still lonely?"  
  
"No, I feel fine with you there..."  
  
He sighed in contentment. I took a deep breath and touched his face. What was life without risks? Although this risk involved the other me, so I didn't take it gladly. But my want for him had grown immeasurable with his words, I couldn't just sit here...  
  
"Sometimes we only need a small word to do what we really want to, and sometimes it takes something more... But who knows what might happen if we just do what we want to?"  
  
"What do you mean, Yami?"  
  
I looked at Yugi. Sleepy violet eyes looked back at me. He was the sweet other me, the light side of my soul. Was I about to dim that light? Snuff it out completely?  
  
"I'm just thinking."  
  
"And what you are thinking about involves the reason you've been so sad and reserved lately."  
  
I didn't answer him, but looked away. When did he become so insightful? The little one on the bed sighed again.  
  
"Why don't you tell me what's wrong... it really hurts me to know that something's wrong and you won't even let me try to help."  
  
"I'm sorry... Not that it would help much, but I'm terribly sorry"  
  
"Come here. You seem to need company as much as I do"  
  
Yugi kept the blankets aside and made room for me. I couldn't do anything else than stare at him. He had no idea what he was doing... I ached to let it all go, blurt out my deepest secrets at him, but what good would it do? Nothing. It would be for nothing, my hikari would then have to bear all my darkness... I couldn't.  
  
Those amethyst-colored eyes stared at me, a hurt rising somewhere deep inside them. Did I truly want to risk him being hurt by me? Never again!  
  
I laid down and gently hugged Yugi. I would never allow hurt to come to him...  
  
"Could you tell me, Yami?"  
  
"I don't think so... But I think you might be able to figure out what's wrong if you think on it enough"  
  
Yugi hesitated. He drew a little back from me, to be able to look me in the eyes.  
  
"I actually have already thought of something. I'm not sure if it's possible... But seeing you like this pretty much confirms it"  
  
I closed my eyes so I wouldn't have to see him. Had he guessed? When? How? Had I slipped somehow?  
  
"Yami?"  
  
"I'm sorry hikari. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to burden you with this..."  
  
"It is true...? But how can you know what I was thinking?"  
  
"I guess I'm expecting the worst..."  
  
"How can it be the worst possibility if you love me? Am I so disgusting?"  
  
"You are not disgusting"  
  
I opened my eyes again. He had been right. May all the gods help us now, for I certainly couldn't resist him.  
  
My light blushed.  
  
"I... Was I right?"  
  
"Yes. Does it bother you?"  
  
He snuggled closer to me, not saying anything for a time that seemed like an eternity.  
  
"No. It seems so... natural that we would be together."  
  
"I know. Believe me, I know..."  
  
I hesitantly tightened my hold on him. What would happen now?  
  
"Yugi... Do you know how long I've dreamed of something like this...? It seems nothing but a dream yet, something so unbelievable... It cannot be true. In a short moment I'll certainly wake up and everything will be as it was"  
  
"But if it is not a dream?"  
  
"Then... I guess that I..."  
  
I brought my face close to his. My mind screamed for me no to do anything, but mind is a fragile thing when emotions are involved, is it not? Any logical thought couldn't stray me from what I would do...  
  
I closed the distance between us and kissed him. In the same moment something happened, and our lives were forever changed.  
  
Bright light filled me, I could feel it find every dusty corner of my mind, radiate off my body. And my darkness flowed into Yugi, penetrating him, coming off of him in waves. Our kiss didn't break, but I felt like I was on fire, and I was sure the same thing happened to Yugi.  
  
Then it stopped, and I was left panting for breath. My darkness retreated from Yugi, but the light was still in me. It burned, it was a fire eating on my soul, judging me worthless. First my memories of the time before Yugi faded, then the light started burning through everything else.  
  
"Yugi..."  
  
"What is happening?"  
  
"Remember, I will love you forever..."  
  
Who was I? All I could remember was that single kiss with this boy, feel only my love for him... I watched in fascination as a light started burning through my body. It didn't hurt, I just faded away.  
  
I looked at the horror-stricken boy, and his bright violet eyes burned me.  
  
Burned me to dust.  
  
"Love you for an eternity..."  
  
My vision faded away, and the last thing I saw were the teary violet eyes watching me.  
  
---  
  
AN: *sob* I can't believe I killed Yami... Waaaaah! *sniff* But did you like it? Despite character death? And the fact that my oneshots are still too short -__- Reviews would be greatly appreciated... 


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